Shingeki no Truth or Dare
by pastelstrawberry
Summary: The soldiers of the 104th Trainees Squad gather for a game of truth or dare. What chaos will ensue? Semi-crack fanfic. Rated T for questionable themes and innuendos. Eren x Mikasa, Ymir x Christa, Reiner x Bertholdt. Please don't take this story seriously, and no flames, please! Read and enjoy!


**Hi guys. I know I haven't updated my other story, but I really forgot what it was about and I haven't had much time to write haha. Anyway, this is just a really quick crack fic I came up with in the middle of the night. Writing is not meant to be serious, so don't mind my grammar or anything. It's just for laughs. No hate please. **

**Minor spoilers from the manga, but nothing really detectable. **

**Hey everyone, lets see who can find all the anime/manga and fandom jokes I incorporated in here. Just see. **

* * *

The members of the Scouting Legion from the 104th Trainees Squad sat around in a circle on the floor in their break room. Connie, Sasha, Armin, Christa, and Ymir sat on one side, while Jean, Eren, Mikasa, Reiner, and Bertholdt sat on the other.

Eren laid back with his head resting on his hands near the wall. The soldiers were dying of downright boredom, half-asleep and dazed from the dim candle light in the room. They were ordered to wear their uniforms at all times, minus the three-dimensional maneuver gear, in case of emergency, but they hadn't been called to fight Titans in days.

"I'm bored," Connie whined loudly. "When do we get to fight Titans again?"

"You want to die? Be lucky you haven't gotten eaten yet, dipshit," Jean replied.

"Oooh! We should eat!" yelled Sasha. No one thought it was a good idea but her, of course.

"Or, we could play a game," Ymir suggested.

Armin looked in her direction. "What kind of game?"

"I don't really know. Any ideas?"

The members of the group stared at each other as they thought.

"What about spin the bottle?" Connie suggested. Jean glared at him.

"No, that's lame."

"Jfc what did I ever do to you?"

"Just your presence irks me."

"I should kick you in the balls!"

"And maybe I should –"

"Stop," Mikasa ordered with a glare towards Jean. They both turned away, knowing otherwise they would _both _get kicked in the balls.

Sasha, who was lying on her back, sat bolt upright, a gleam in her eyes.

"We should play truth or dare!"

The group looked at her quizzically.

"Is that even safe? Games of truth or dare can get pretty out of hand quite quickly," warned Christa. "I remember one time Ymir and I –"

Ymir slapped her hand over Christa's mouth and snarled at her. "No one needs to know about that!" Christa shook her head desperately and Ymir released, crossing her arms over her chest. An uncomfortable silence filled the room.

"Ymir got drunk and mooned everyone."

"What!?" the soldiers shrieked simultaneously. Ymir's face turned completely red. Screaming, she threw herself out the window and turned into a Titan, running off into the night in complete anger.

Meanwhile, Connie and Sasha were currently dying from lack of oxygen on the floor from laughing so hard.

"Careful, Connie," Jean mocked. "Don't laugh too hard or else you might piss your pants."

"The hell is your problem, man!?" he shouted, sitting up.

"Maybe he's on his man period," Bertholdt suggested. Everyone stared at him. "I mean it was just a thought."

Jean stared at him with the blankest expression on his face. "Fuck you, man."

"You're the one being a douche to Connie, soo."

Armin laughed nervously. "So, anyway, let's play truth or dare."

"But how are we going to decide how to play?" Reiner asked.

"I guess we will have to spin a bottle," Mikasa said, standing and walking across the room to grab an empty beer bottle. She sat back down with the group, setting it on its side in the middle. "Somebody will spin the bottle, and whoever it points to, they have to ask them truth or dare. Once that person goes, they will spin and take their turn."

"You're so amazing and intelligent, Mikasa," Jean praised, his eyes glued to her breasts. She leaned back and kicked him in the face, glaring.

"I don't want you."

Sasha began giggling furiously._ "It's because she wants the D. Eren's D." _she thought.

"Really, Sasha, calm down," Reiner groaned.

"I-it's just so funny!" They all stared blankly at her.

"What is?"

Sasha paused for a moment, catching her breath before she choked out, "…_the D." _

As she continued laughing, no one understood what was so funny or why she had started laughing in the first place. Either way, they began the game.

"I'll go first!" Connie volunteered. Mikasa shot a look at Jean, daring him to insult his comrade. Connie spun the bottle, and it landed pointing toward Bertholdt.

"Truth or dare, man?"

"Truth."

"Shocker."

"Come on man, you're lame," Connie whined. "Fine. How many times have you had sex?"

"Whoa, that's uh, really personal, dude, but, only a few times."

"Oooh! Who was your first time?" Sasha exclaimed.

"Ask me that later! It's my turn." Sasha sat back and pouted. Bertholdt spun the bottle, and it pointed at Eren. Eren, leaning against the wall, sat up and looked toward him.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"No one could have guessed that," Reiner grumbled.

"Someone should dare Eren to turn into a Titan and go catch Ymir. That would be convenient!" Sasha spoke.

"No."

"I dare you to grab Sasha's boob,' Bertholdt decided.

"I didn't sign up for this!" she shrieked.

"But you suggested it," Jean replied.

"Eren I swear to God if you –"

Eren reached out and squeezed Sasha's boob quickly, then diving to take cover behind Mikasa before the food-addict reacted. She screamed and leapt across the floor for Eren. Mikasa politely moved out of the way to avoid being hit.

"Mikasa, I thought you loved me!" Eren squealed as he was pounced on.

"I do, but if you didn't want to be attacked, you shouldn't have gone through with it," she said with a shrug, flipping her red scarf behind her back.

After a few moments, Sasha climbed off of Eren in a huff and plopped back down into her seat. Suddenly, a giant furry creature with massive teeth appeared in the window. In her deep, Titan voice, Ymir spoke, "Damn, has someone gotten sexually harassed, already?"

"Eren did it!" Sasha cried.

"Wow, Eren, I didn't know you were into that sort of thing."

"I'm not! It was a dare!"

"So you're not into boobs," Connie asked.

"What."

Jean began laughing hysterically. "Did you just come out to us?"

"What…no! I am into boobs! What? Guys!"

Chuckling, Titan Ymir disappeared from the window. Everyone in the room was in tears, and even Mikasa was laughing behind her scarf. Eren's face was cherry red.

"Jesus, I'm taking my turn now," he huffed. Spinning the bottle, it landed toward Jean, who was still having a fit of laughter. Moments later, he calmed down, but hadn't noticed that he was it.

"Jean."

"What is it, Eren?"

"It's your turn. Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Hm. Okay, I dare you to twerk in your boxers."

"Hah?"

Sasha began giggling again. "Don't chicken out, soldier. Don't ya wanna impress your lovely lady, Mikasa?"

"I wouldn't be impressed whether he does it or not."

"Yeah, so really, you should do it. Drop it. Drop it like it's hot," Eren urged.

"And do what?"

"You shake your butt while in a squatting position," Connie said, holding back his laughter.

"I am not –"

"I just groped Sasha's tit and got the shit beat out of me, you will shake your butt, Jean."

Unwillingly, Jean stood up. The group stared at him with anticipation. Connie looked like he was about to die holding in his laughter.

"Put your hands on your hips," Christa instructed. "And squat."

"I swear if you let any of the Superiors hear about this I will kill all witnesses."

"What's the point? They'll still know about it," Connie choked.

"Shut up!"

Squatting, Jean began shaking his butt. Jean has a really flat butt. He sucks at twerking.

Finally, Connie couldn't contain himself any further. He erupted into laughter, along with Sasha, Christa, Armin and Eren.

After their hysterics were finished, Jean walked away to the other side of the room to drown his embarrassment and sorrows with alcohol.

"Who wants to go next?" Eren asked, sliding the bottle back into the middle.

"I'll go," Armin said. He took the bottle and spun it, landing on Sasha.

"I pick truth!" she exclaimed.

"Okay, who is the freakiest of our superiors? Heichou or Hanji-san?"

"Well, Heichou kind of creeps me out. He's like a super insane sadist who enjoys being a dick to everyone, but on the other hand, Hanji-san is also a little too obsessed with Titans and Eren, so I think they're equal."

"Fair enough," Armin shrugged.

Sasha spun the bottle, and it landed on Bertholdt again.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare"

"What!? You said I could –"

"I lied."

"Aw, man! Well, I dare you to steal some food from the kitchen for me!"

"Not happening."

"What!? Why?"

"I don't feel like getting kicked out of the Scouting Legion. At least not yet anyway."

"Ugh. You people aren't any fun." Sasha kept pouting as she passed the bottle to Bertholdt. It landed on Connie.

"Dare!" he shouted, before the words could come out of Bertholdt's mouth. "I have to show everyone how brave and strong I am!"

"We know," Mikasa mumbled. Eren glanced toward her slightly and smiled.

Bertholdt chuckled. "I dare you to do 300 push-ups."

"That's nothing!"

He gave up after about 50. It wasn't very interesting anyway.

Connie spun the bottle, and once again, it landed on Eren.

"Truth or dare, Titan boy?"

"Dare."

A devilish look appeared in Connie's eyes. "I dare you to make out with Mikasa for one full minute."

Eren turned his head toward Mikasa and they stared at each other. Shrugging, they scooted closer. The group gathered in close to get a full view of the action.

"Timer starts now," Connie chuckled.

Eren placed his hand on the side of Mikasa's face and pulled her in. Her hands rested in his lap. Neither of them were bothered by the fact that they had to kiss. Eren was grateful he didn't have to make out with Reiner.

"Oooh!" Sasha cried.

"Whoo, get some, Eren!" Connie cheered. Jean sat in the corner of the room, frowning unpleasantly and quietly getting drunk.

"Well, what do you know? He does like boobs," Titan Ymir laughed from outside the tower.

The group kept cheering them on until the time was up. Eren looked completely satisfied with himself, laughing as he pulled away. Mikasa really didn't care. Or maybe she did care and was just hiding her blush behind her scarf.

A few seconds later, Eren pushed Mikasa onto the ground and climbed on top of her. Mikasa shrieked. He turned seductively toward the rest of the group, smiling demonically. "Are you ready for things to get _spicy?" _he questioned in a voice deeper than usual. It was oddly creepy.

"Eren, get off of me!" she yelled, pushing him away from her. He laughed as he rolled off, dying because of the fact that everyone thought he was serious. The horrified look on Sasha and Jean's faces were priceless.

"I told you things escalate quickly when you play truth or dare," said Christa. "Speaking of which, where is Ymir?"

"Outside," Reiner answered, still covering his eyes.

"You can open your eyes, Reiner, they aren't doing the do anymore," Connie laughed.

"I want them to do the do," Armin said. Everyone stared at him. "Haha, just…kidding."

"Should we get the popcorn? This could turn into some good 18+ action right here," Sasha exclaimed.

"No, no food, Sasha. And there will be no 18+ action going on between any of us!" Reiner warned. It looked like Sasha was simply not going to get her way.

Eren spun the bottle, and it landed pointing toward Armin.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Armin answered shyly.

"Man, why the hell would you want to see me get it with Mikasa that's just an invasion of privacy man, like we're supposed to be friends and friends don't peep on friends getting laid man I don't –"

"_I WAS JOKING I SWEAR!" _

"_BETTER HAVE BEEN OR I'M GONNA RIP OUT MY TITAN SHIT ON YOU."_

"I thought Titan's didn't have reproductive organs," Connie spoke out.

"If you really thought that's what I meant you need to go."

"Sorry, man."

Just then, Ymir leapt through the window in human form again.

"Hey guys! Miss me?"

"ahahaHAHAHA nOt mUcH," Jean yelled. He was obviously drunk.

"Well, I did," Christa said, tilting her head and smiling.

Reiner stared at her, his jaw dropped. _"What an angel…" _

Armin stole the bottle from Eren and spun it as Ymir retook her seat next to Christa. It landed pointing to Reiner.

"Truth or dare, Reiner?"

He paused for a moment, his expression emotionless. "Truth."

"Is it true that you and Bertholdt are a thaaaang?"

"A what?"

"A thang. A thing."

"I don't see your point."

"Do you and Bertholdt have steamy butt sexy at the midnight hour?" Sasha spoke. A long pause. Both Reiner and Bertholdt's faces turned bright red.

"Um, no, no, that's not true, uh…"

"Bertholdt, how well does Reiner suck wang wang?"

"_HE WOULDN'T KNOW!"_

…

"This is getting a little out of hand," Mikasa whispered, leaning into Eren's shoulder.

"Yeah, it is." He did the same, resting his head on top of hers. Armin looked over to them, and then to Reiner and Bertholdt, and then to Connie, who were all now deeply immersed in the argument. Christa and Ymir were speechless. The rest quietly sat back as the three fought it out. No one even cared about Armin anymore, even though he was the one to ask the question.

"Yeah, maybe we do have steamy butt sex at the midnight hour! What of it?"

And everything became silent.

"So you do?"

"…Maybe. So!?"

"That probably makes one, big, colossal mess, doesn't it, Bertholdt?" Their faces went red once again.

"Moving on!" Armin intruded. They knew he was trying to prevent a major fight.

Angrily, Reiner spun the bottle, mumbling about how he should never have agreed to play a silly game with such immature children.

It landed on Mikasa. Reiner sighed and half-heartedly asked her to pick truth or dare. She sat up, moving away from Eren for a moment.

"Truth."

"Wow," Christa spoke. "I thought someone as bold as you would pick dare."

"I guess I'm just too tired."

Reiner thought for a moment.

"Better be careful. Don't wanna be roundhouse kicked in the face because you ask her the wrong thing. She's wild," Connie whispered loudly. Mikasa rolled her eyes.

"When was the last time you came close to being killed by a Titan?"

"Basic," Sasha blurted out, shaking her head.

"I don't really remember. It most likely wasn't that long ago."

Spinning the bottle, the tip pointed at Ymir, and Mikasa returned to Eren's shoulder.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare." That wasn't abnormal for Ymir.

Mikasa closed her eyes to think for a moment. Finally she came up with something.

"I dare you to…finger Christa." Christa's eyes widened in terror. She turned skeptically toward Ymir, who was wiggling her fingers at her.

"Not gonna happen!"

"Mikasa is a closet perv!" Sasha cried.

"So much for no hot 18+ action," Armin mumbled.

Ymir jumped on Christa and pulled her into a hug, or more like a death grip. Most times Ymir forgot how tiny Christa was compared to her.

"Y-you're suffocating m-me."

"Oh, sorry!" she laughed as she released her.

"Hey, Christa hasn't gone yet, has she?" Armin asked. "We should let her go."

They all agreed, and Christa spun the bottle. It landed on Eren again, but he was currently half-asleep on top of Mikasa's head.

"Hey, Jeäger, it's your turn again," Connie called out. Eren groaned irritably as he sat up.

"Truth, I'm done with this shit."

Ymir whispered something into Christa's ear, and she smiled excitedly.

"How big do you think Heichou's peepee is?"

That woke him up.

"UM personally I have _never _looked down there and I don't really want to so I honestly…can't take a guess…"

Armin took a glance at the grandfather clock near the bar at the other end of the room.

"It's very late you guys, and who knows what we have to do tomorrow. We should save our energy for Titan fighting."

"Armin's right," Christa said. "We never know when we might be called out."

Bertholdt abruptly stood up, pulling Reiner along with him.

"_Well, _I guess Reiner and I are going to go have some steamy butt sex at the midnight hour. It's getting close to that time anyway." Everyone stood in shock.

Suddenly, Ymir pulled Christa over her shoulder and began to haul her out of the room. "And _we're _going to do some of that fingering you suggested. See you in the morning!"

It was silent for a moment, and then Eren turned to Mikasa. Before she could realize what he was doing, he grabbed her by the waist and lifted her into his arms.

"I don't mean to jump onto the bandwagon here, but it looks like things are about to get…_spicy._" Mikasa's eyes widened, and out the door they went.

Connie and Sasha stood in the middle of the room, their mouths gaping. They turned to look at the bar, over to where Jean was hunched over on the table, passed out from the liquor.

"Looks like it's up to us to get him back to his room," Sasha muttered. Connie sighed heavily and headed toward him, lifting him on one side.

"Yeah, we're left to deal with the drunkard while our other friends go get a lay. Some friends we have."

Sasha smiled slightly and headed over to the other side of Jean, lifting him up.

"Yeah, we sure do."


End file.
